Recovery Update #1

Since I have been nowhere and seen no one these last few weeks, I have had a lot of people asking how I’m going in recovery and what it’s looking like.

So I thought I better update you all, lest you think I had died here on my little couch.

It’s… well.. life.

It’s filled with good days, bad days, tears, spontaneous dancing and a lot of vegetables.

I am doing pretty well most days.

I feel good, mostly, and I’m trying to get out a little more, which has me doing happy dances.

I get super tired quick and I tend to get sick quick, which means I end up in bed with my book. I’m counting that as a plus cause, ya know, book worm.

I’m beginning to resemble something other than the undead, which is nice. Always a plus when you’re not the same shade as the walls of your house. Ha.

Food has been driving me insane, it’s a lot of work and I stare blankly at the fridge some nights hoping something I can eat will appear, cooked, and delicious, on a plate for me.

That has not happened once. NOT ONCE. Dang.

However, I’m getting the hang of it and feeling super good.

But it’s heading in to summer so it’s warming up. I have picked up a little energy and am trying to get back into the swing of things, plus planning away for this month, which is shaping up to be a super super busy one.

But then there are other days.

Where I stand in my closet and cry as I pull off the tenth outfit that no longer fits cause that weight is still coming off.

Or I am sick in the sink at church for no apparent reason.

And I am currently nap queen. I will nap anywhere, anytime. #NapsAllDay

But hey. You know what. Whatever. Naps are good. And I don’t care if I have to take 20, it’s looking up and that has me giving all the praise hands ever.

Being patient is not something that’s my strong suit. In fact. It’s not even a suit in my closet.

I do not own that garment.

But I’m working on getting it. It’s hard, but I’m getting there.

Slowly.

So, on the whole, good.

It’s slow, it’s hard some times, but exciting. I can feel myself getting stronger everyday, and I keep plodding slowly up.

That’s all I could ever want.

Love,

New Little *Recovery* Wife

 

Scars + Battle wounds; Be gentle with yourself.

I stood in front of my bathroom mirror… And I cried.

I was sick of it all… all the losing lb after lb, seeing my ribs stick out so much you can count them… of feeling tiredness… of eating only avocado and boiled carrots cause that’s all my body could take.

I just got to that point where I wanted to yell..

WHY DON’T YOU JUST WORK!? It’s so simple. Just DO what you are MEANT to do.

Ever felt like that? That there is something so simple, so.. natural.. that your body just CAN NOT do..

I hated it.

I hated all the stupid bony parts. The way it throws up food every meal. How I can’t seem to go a day without needing a three hour nap.

The fact that if my neighbor coughs upstairs, I’m in bed for three days with the flu.

I’m just so… frustrated.

I printed a little art work off pinterest the other day and hung it in my bathroom.

I’m so glad I did.

I walked into my bathroom and saw it. And stopped.

It says,

‘Be gentle with yourself’

And it’s there because… well… I’m not.

I’m not gentle with myself. I’m harsh. I’m unkind.

We are often our own worst critics. We know every failing, every flaw that we think our body has or does.

Sometimes in trying to love, be kind and happy towards others, we forget to save a bit for ourselves.

We forget that we need to be gentle, not only to the world, but to ourselves. And our own bodies.

Because, quite honestly, my body IS amazing.

It has taken me to so many countries of the world.

It has walked me down an aisle to marry my beautiful man.

It has been on countless 15 hours flight.

It has allowed me to have crazy summers of little sleep and many adventures.

It’s held out during exam times and got me through stressful months.

It’s got me through surgeries and deadly diseases.

It’s moved across the world, and then moved houses a ridiculous amount of times.

It’s fought, for a long long time just to keep going.

It hasn’t given up.

It hasn’t backed down.

It’s given every last cell to help me.

But the things I only seem to see are those bony bits, those pains, those breakout places.

And here’s the thing I need to remember; It hasn’t come out of this unscathed.

It’s come out with scars from surgeries.

It has missing pounds.

It’s got dark circles around my eyes.

It’s got stretch marks

And that’s the bits that I seem to hate. It seems to be the only bits I see.

But from now on I’m done.

I’m done JUST looking at those bits.

I done seeing them and feeling hateful and frustrated .

Those bits now.

Well they are my battle scars.

Little reminders.

They are encouraging. Inspiring.

They say to me…  Go Get ‘Em Girl, we got this.

Look at what we have been through, fought through, and look how far we have come.

There is a lot my body doesn’t do well.. And it’s frustrating to say the least.

But instead of looking at that, and pointing out how horrible it is. Instead of yelling at it to pull itself together..

I need to think about the healing, growing and fighting it has done for me.

There might be something your body isn’t great at.

Maybe your body is in pain.

Or it has no energy.

Maybe it won’t let you keep food down.

Or you have constant headaches.

Whatever it is.

Just stop.

Think of all the things it HAS done and CONTINUES to do for you. All the things you have fought through and the places it has taken you.

You walk. Talk. Work hard.

You love. You think. You laugh.

You read. You see.You live a life.

And even though your body might not be doing what it’s meant to, and you can’t seem to do what you want to right now… It is a life worth living.

And loving.

And it fights, tooth, nail and cell, to help you. To heal you. To get you through this.

And while sometimes it may not look the prettiest, and you just want it to be normal… remember all the good things it has done to get you where you are today.

Knowing that it’s got me this far gets me excited for what’s to come.

Maybe one day I’ll be able to go running again. Or eat bread.

Maybe I’ll be able to travel places I’ve dreamed of going. Or grow a baby.

It’s a frustrating process, and it sometimes seems hopeless.

But I can promise you, those pounds will come back, that pain will fade, those naps will not be needed. You’ll eat that bread.

Look at those little encouraging battle scars and be proud.

But while you’re still waiting, remember: Be gentle on yourself. You’ll get there, one day.

Love,

New Little *Scared-But-Still-Standing* Wife

Thank You.

So I’m state side again.

Im happy, sad, nervous, ready to get back into it.. but mainly.

Excited.

I’m so excited about all the possibilities this treatment opens up.

Healthy body.

Able to be Active.

Eat REAL food! Haha!! But Really..

I also want to take some time to say thank you.

Thank you to all of you who have prayed, sent messages, cards, packages. It all means so much to me. You guys have all overwhelmed me with so much love and support, its amazing and i’m just SO thankful for it.

Seth and I are so blessed to have such an amazing network of friends & family around the world. We have really loved and appreciated it all.

There are so many people I would love to thanks right now.. my friends for always choosing resturants I can eat at, my brother for all the advice on treatment, my lovely in laws for letting me nap on their couches, not batting an eyelid at all the times I threw up in their bathroom and always being ready to help out in any way, my sisters and close friends ect…

However, I would not be here in recovery today if not for three main people.

To my Dad;

For always believing in my symptoms, no matter how insane they sounded. For knowing what it feels like to be completey exhausted. For showing me what a resilient person looks like and how to keep going when you feel like you can’t. For being so interested and invovled in my health. I have never known a father who asks about their child’s bowel movemnts as much as you do. I love you.

To my Husband;

For never complaining about how many oils, herbs & vitamins I dragged into the house. For eating vegan food like a champ. For always being supportive and kind. Thanks for all the long nights you stayed with me, all the heat bags you heated up, the times you held my hair back, the sleepless nights and constant sickness and cleaning up the house when I simply couldn’t.

I know it hasnt been easy for you having a sick girlfriend/wife and I know you have missed out on a lot because of it, so thank you. You really are the best. Thanks for understanding. I love you.

And To my Mumma;

For being my biggest advocate, not only in my health, but in all my life. For never stopping until you found someone who could make me better. For the 6am starts, the many tests, dr after dr and waiting room after waiting room. For all the times you have slept in those hospital chairs. For curling up next to me and rubbing my back. For helping me when “it was over flowing”.  I know it hasnt been easy, cheap or the funnest time of your life, but thanks for sticking by me.. Even when I got married and moved half way round the world, you have always been there.

 You are the perfect example of a loving, steadfast, faithful mother. It takes an amazing woman to be able to come out of the last ten years still in one piece. You amaze me Mum.  I love you.

So heres to the future.

To healthy bodies.

To new adevnture.

To amazing friends, and the most supportive family.

To a Good God who looks after me all to well.

 

Love,

New Little *Improved* Wife

Farmers Markets

This year Seth & I are focusing on health, in all aspects. If you wanting to know more, check out this post, but today I’m going to be talking about our local famers markets.

We love are local farmers markets.

Seriously.

It makes me so happy to go.

And one of the things we are doing this year is trying to go there and get most, if not ALL of our food there.

Now of course there are some things that we might have to get at another store, like GF pasta or cleaning products I don’t make, but we are trying to shop mostly there. There are a few reasons why;

First. Im someone who likes people, incase you didn’t know;)

And I love chatting to them & making relationships. I love being able to chat to the people that have grown the food they are selling and can tell me when it was harvested, what the chicken ate or how come the carrots are so big.

It makes me try new things.

I find some of the crunchiest stuff at the famers markets. I do love it thought, because it makes me try new veggies and foods. Plus, they give me the BEST cooking tips and ideas. We recently have been eating the beet greens sauted in butter, lemon and a little salt. The farmer that sold me the beets told me to try it, and I’m SO glad he did! They are AMAZING. Really.

I love supporting small business. Its so important. I love seeing the families there selling there produce and hearing things from the kids about the vegetables they have and all.

All the produce is fresh, with no packaging or bagging. Most of what is there is organic with no sprays or anything, and if its not, it will say what it has been treated with so you know. Its super fresh and so SO colorful. I love it.

I find it helps me to stay on budget.

Not many vendors take cards at our markets, and i love it. I take my grocery money out in cash and to the markets, and thats ALL I have to spend. So I have to make sure that we have enough fruit, veggies, eggs ect for the whole week with whatever I have. I cant spend more, cause I don’t have it. And Im not tempted to get food I’m not meant to eat either. I find that since I can pick out whatever I want, and nothing it pre packaged, I can get exactly how much I want, with out wasting anything. And it usually ends up cheaper than stores!

It helps me to eat well.

We can only really eat seasonally when you shop at farmers markets, which at first i didn’t really like, but now I love it! Fist off, I might be nerdy, but I love seeing whats growing at what time of year and why. I find that I feel a little better when I’m eating that way. Plus, there are no sneaky packets of chips or chocolate bars in the next isle tempting me.

There is, however, delicious bright red strawberries and the most AMAZING apples.

I do most of my shopping in one trip. 

So i’ll get all my fresh stuff at the markets, all my pasta, any household stuff at trader joe’s every second week, and then Costco for the rest every second month. It means I only have to make the minimal amount of trips to get all my food! YAY.

I would, at some point, like to grow some of my own, just to see what farmers go through and that amazing way God has made creation to work.. but we all know how that went last time, so I’m holding off. Haha.

For now though, I’m so so happy with my markets.

Anyone else a farmers market lover?

Love,

New Little *Farmers-Markert* Wife