This posts is from a talk I gave to some awesome ladies at a ladies night our church had a few months back. I have edited it, and taken out *Majority* of it, cause it’s pretty dang long. If you would like the full, unedited version, email me @ firstname.lastname@example.org. I’d be happy to supply it.
For now, read away. Hope it encourages you in some small way today.
My name is Sharniie.
I’m short and loud and I love My God, My Savior Jesus , my Husband, people and tea.
Looking at at my life you may well think that I have it all together. That I have some fairytale you dont.
I’m happily married to an awesome guy, look “healthy”, have a nice little house, friends and always seem to be happy.
Here’s the thing you might not know.
There is a lot of stuff I don’t talk about, you don’t know about and that you don’t see.
Stuff that makes me feel guilty, ashamed, scared, and hurt. Stuff i’m afraid to say or admit.
Things like Hurt, grief, body issues, insecurities, a mile long list of health issues, jealousy, depression, doubt, fear, breakups, bad choices, anxiety, marriage struggles,shame, faithless moments and screams at God and honestly, a few too many moments in which I simply didn’t believe He was there at all.
I have felt so alone more days than I want to think about.
I have always struggled with fitting in, finding my place and being the person I am.
I can get anxious easy. I find it hard to trust God with things, and sometimes I just get way to overwhelmed.
A lot of these can come in the same days and weeks, many do.
Here’s the real problem though;
When someone asks me how I’m going, I smile and say good.
I move on past & pretend I don’t struggle.
That I have it all togther, I don’t sin, or rather I dont have any problems.
I don’t say that I cried all day thursday about the choices I made when I was young.
I don’t tell them about the things that one person said a while ago I’m still upset about, or the fact that I am feeling a million miles away from God, and I simply don’t know how to get back.
Can I say something?
Please, for the love, Let’s stop this madness.
Lay down that mask, because I for one am done pretending.
I want to make it out of this life happy, in one piece, and in the Kingdom of God.
And the only way i’m going to is if I am real.
Super super real. And I want people walking with me that are the same way.
So let’s get real
Let’s talk about the things that matter.
Let’s be open and honest. I dont want to be silent any longer.
You know what? I can almost guarantee that something on that list stood out to you?
Well because you are struggling too.
I think all of us are. We all have these things, these deep deep down afraid to admit things.
We think we are the only ones, that we have too much baggage, we are too much to handle, or that admitting these things will bring shame and isolation and so we stay silent.
We don’t really realize that, if we all took off our masks together, we would see we aren’t alone, there is freedom and grace.
God’s not stupid guys, There is a big reason He put’s us together, into families and churches and places. He knows we need each other.
And an even bigger thing God knows *and maybe you need to know too* is this;
YOU ARE NOT TOO MUCH.
You there, with your issues, and your baggages, and you struggles and failings and sins. You are not to much.
I spend way to many minutes thinking that I have to fix this mess. That God COULD NOT POSSIBLY HANDLE my mud.
I know. I’m stupid.
Cause, you know, a God who made the world, who raises people from the dead, who tells the seas were to go, holds the stars in His hands and breathes things into life..
Well, I’m pretty sure He’s GOT THIS KIDS.
And then sometimes I think that I’m not enough. That somehow I am lacking, God doesn’t need me.
He doesn’t want me, and somehow I’m just too small.
Again, A God who planned, from the very beginning of the world, to set a plan in motion, which ended in His only, perfect Son nailed to a cross, just to win back MY little heart, reminds me that I am not too small.
To think that God looked at this world, and stopped, and thought “This world.. well.. it needs a Sharniie” brings me to a stand still.
And He did that.
With each and every one of us.
Please think about this.
Who do you think you are?
Deep down, when you think about you, who do you think you are?
And what makes you.. you?
And then think about who made you, and just dwell in that space for a while.
And when you’re feeling lost, uncertain, too hurt and fragile, too far away, and so so alone.
When your feeling like you have to much baggage, like your too much for anyone, or you’re so so small…
Go back to that.
And start again.
Who Am I?
Who Made Me?
Who is He?
Who am I to Him?
My name is Sharniie.
I’m short and loud. I love My God, My Savior Jesus, my Husband, people and tea.
I know that God made me. He loves me, forgives me and showers me in Grace.
He is the creator of the universe. He is SO big SO mighty and SO strong. He is Love. He is Grace and HE IS GOOD.
I am His daughter and I am precious to Him. I mean so much to Him that He looked away while His only Son hung on a cross just to save me.
My God wants me in eternity with Him and He works, everyday, to get me there. He loves me, depsite the fact I fail him everyday.
And I pray that when His Son comes, He can stand up and say to me. You have fought the fight, you have kept the faith, you have endured till the end. Come, Live with me forever.
My friend, my fighter, my servant, my faithful sister.
Even So Come.
New Little *Not-Perfect* Wife