Recovery Update #1

Since I have been nowhere and seen no one these last few weeks, I have had a lot of people asking how I’m going in recovery and what it’s looking like.

So I thought I better update you all, lest you think I had died here on my little couch.

It’s… well.. life.

It’s filled with good days, bad days, tears, spontaneous dancing and a lot of vegetables.

I am doing pretty well most days.

I feel good, mostly, and I’m trying to get out a little more, which has me doing happy dances.

I get super tired quick and I tend to get sick quick, which means I end up in bed with my book. I’m counting that as a plus cause, ya know, book worm.

I’m beginning to resemble something other than the undead, which is nice. Always a plus when you’re not the same shade as the walls of your house. Ha.

Food has been driving me insane, it’s a lot of work and I stare blankly at the fridge some nights hoping something I can eat will appear, cooked, and delicious, on a plate for me.

That has not happened once. NOT ONCE. Dang.

However, I’m getting the hang of it and feeling super good.

But it’s heading in to summer so it’s warming up. I have picked up a little energy and am trying to get back into the swing of things, plus planning away for this month, which is shaping up to be a super super busy one.

But then there are other days.

Where I stand in my closet and cry as I pull off the tenth outfit that no longer fits cause that weight is still coming off.

Or I am sick in the sink at church for no apparent reason.

And I am currently nap queen. I will nap anywhere, anytime. #NapsAllDay

But hey. You know what. Whatever. Naps are good. And I don’t care if I have to take 20, it’s looking up and that has me giving all the praise hands ever.

Being patient is not something that’s my strong suit. In fact. It’s not even a suit in my closet.

I do not own that garment.

But I’m working on getting it. It’s hard, but I’m getting there.

Slowly.

So, on the whole, good.

It’s slow, it’s hard some times, but exciting. I can feel myself getting stronger everyday, and I keep plodding slowly up.

That’s all I could ever want.

Love,

New Little *Recovery* Wife

 

3 thoughts on “Recovery Update #1

  1. Six weeks after I left a year-long treatment program, my mom died. She had not, in twenty years seen me sober more than a half-dozen times. The last time had been a year before I checked in when we’d all gone to my niece’s wedding, even then I was still smoking and drinking, just not that weekend. When I left the recovery center, I was so disoriented I spent the better part of a month isolating and feeling so damaged and broken I could barely talk to anyone, let alone string together a coherent sentence. Then mom went into hospital, came out, and we made plans over the phone to have lunch, look at a few places where she could have close-to care. There was even talk of me moving in, but I actually had had a job since the last eight weeks of treatment. That was Monday, Thursday, sis calls and said mom’s back in hospital, can you come? Got there late Friday night. Saturday morning big brother gets in and the doctors are saying we need to make some decisions. Mom seemed to be doing okay, I mean she was dying but no one thought it would happen right when it did. I went to get lunch for everyone downstairs in the hospital basement, twenty minutes(?) later she was gone. I greet every day now with a purpose, whether I’m calling a struggling addict or finding gratitude through a little service or enjoying the fact that I can be sad or depressed or unhinged for some other reason than outa dope, hung-over, just got fired. You know the list goes on. I don’t know if there is something better in store for me today or tomorrow or the day after that, but I do know that I can see the rain ruining my parade or take off my shoes and splash around in the puddles. It gets better…

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    • I’m so sorry about you mother. That’s hard! And your story sounds incredible but rough. So glad you got to a better place! I so agree with having purpose and drive every day, even if it’s just for seemingly small things. I am so thankful for things getting better and looking up! Thanks for your encouragement!

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  2. Keep your head up, girl. Twenty years from now you will look back on this as just a blip on your timeline compared to the wondrous things God has in store for you. 😉 You got this.

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